Issues anyone?
Ok, so I might as well just get used to it. I'm going to be sitting here in the Basement Flat in Brighton until Steve comes to my rescue in the little mini cooper and whisks me away to Clapham South manors.
So whilst I'm here, I might as well do something worthwhile with my time. But what? Cleaning? No, I've exhausted that. Reading? I am well and truly frobscottled and goldenfizwizard'ed out after reading the BFG last night. Listening to the radio? Terry Wogan only makes me depressed.
So.. Vic and I were talking on the e-mail the other day and we decided that it would be a good idea if we all attempted to tackle each other's problems via the medium of blog, an 'ask ali' page if you like.
Whilst I'm not and will never promise to deliver accurate and sound advice, I can certainly tell you exactly how I feel about things. Plus I have the excellent sounding board of Anita at my disposal, who is always my first port of call for all my relationship issues. Steve calls her either 'public enemy number one' or 'what is she the f**king oracle?' closely followed by, 'do you listen to everything she tells you'. And the answer is yes. She is my chosen one when it comes to matters of the heart and everyone should have a someone like Anita. For pragmatic, no nonsense advice which often you don't want to hear.
Now I happen to know for a fact that as a group of friends, we are most definately a permanent supply of issues, worries and pickles. So how about it? Come on, someone volunteer a pickle, anonymously if you wish, and we'll see what we can do!
By the way, is it true that Dustin has a Girls Aloud CD in his collection? Shocking.
3 comments:
I have a problem. One of my friends (who I won't identify) is just about to go and live abroad for a number of months and I don't want her to go. She is a lovely person, and if she goes I will have no-one to talk to about brightly coloured spectacles, ice cream, organ grinders, organised crime, men who live with their mothers or prawn kings. In an attempt to stop her leaving, I have bought a massive dry-ice machine and have spent the last three days frantically producing fog. This has, I gather, forced Heathrow airport to suspend all domestic flights, but I think she is flying from Gatwick. So my question is this: how do I persuade her to stay?
Oh, and second question - what nationality were Milli Vanilli?
Ahhh I see. This is indeed a poser, and the only answer I have is this.
Go with her. Don't wait to be invited. That's so passe. Just find out where exactly she's going, and on what flight and in which hotel she's staying and book up. Make sure you pat her on the shoulder upon arrival and don your biggest and cheesiest grin.
This way you'll terrify her so much with your stalking she'll soon become an ex-friend, and the next time she buggers off on a jolly around the world without so much as a care for her poor friends in Brighton, you probably won't even know about it.
On a more important note, I think they were from Croydon.
Hi, my problem is that all the men I like turn out to be complete b**tards. Is there a reliable bastard detector in existence? If not, we should probably patent one. Any handy hints for spotting a rotter before getting drawn in? Thanks !!
Post a Comment