Dog chat

I always knew that dogs were somehow superior to us, but this morning’s kitsch trivia has just firmed up my belief, the Metro (which I know doesn’t compensate for some real news, but you have Jonathan’s blog for cutting edge hi-brow current affairs) was chocca this morning with heart warming tales of super dogs.

One of them told the tale of a Labrador who had apparently performed the Heimlich manoeuvre on his owner when she got a piece of apple wedged in her throat. This raises the important question, did her mother not tell her not to gobble her food and to chew properly? Or perhaps more importantly, did the dog know what it was doing? Now, even as a obsessive dog lover, I’m not sure I could put my hand on my heart and state, doing a scouts honour signal that ‘The dog must have mentally run through all of the possible diagnosis of the problem and selected the Heimlich as the most suitable form of immediate medical treatment, and then endeavoured to place pressure on the chest in order to dislodge the offending chunk of gala’.

More likely I imagine is the fact that the dog saw the women falling to the floor gasping, hacking and clutching her chest as a brilliant new game and one which he delighted in engaging by jumping up and down on her.

When Lotte was around, if I ever found myself on the floor (tripping, drunk, in the middle of a hissy fit) she was always quick to make the most of this unusual turn of events by standing on me. I don’t know why, I guess it probably boils down to the novelty of the situation.

So there’s no doubt, this dog may well have saved his owner’s life, but purely by accident.

On the other hand, the other dog featured was an extremely talented canine who could sense when his severely epileptic owner was about to have a seizure AND tell her about it. How? God knows. Presumably the same way cats and dogs seem to be able to sense when there’s going to be a storm.

Or it’s maybe some kind of subtle physiological shift detectable only in the canine world. And how did he tell her….he counted out the minutes til her next seizures with a series of barks? He ate a corresponding number of bones? No, he stared intently at her. Great.

Apart from the fact that dogs stare at you quite a lot, about 4 hours out of every day on average. So every time walkies is due, meat or anything tasty is being eaten or balls/toys are around, she would be in high alarm, lying down, reaching for her medication and pressing the panic button, and the dog will be thinking, ‘here we go again, every time I want something she freaks out, it’s just her her her, all the sodding time’.

So there we have it, despite my love of dogs, and the fact that I do cry almost every time I read a story like the ones I read this morning, if we examine the facts, these doggy tales of superdom are often flawed. On the other hand, you do find there are true dog heroes, called ‘Canine Partners’ a ‘helping paw’ if you will. These are the true champions. The dogs who open doors, empty washing machines, get cash out of machines, collect post, press panic alarms and who make it possible for thousands of people with a disability to live an independent life…these amazing, gentle, patient dogs are the very eyes, ears, hands and more. And that’s the key to making me REALLY cry.

The other day I was sitting on the tube and someone was whining about the ‘incessant announcements about which stop you were at, and which connecting lines left from that stop etc etc’ and I had to try very hard not to glare at the person in question. Why? Because only weeks before I had stood with tears trickling down my cheeks watching a brave old retriever who was a ‘guide dog’ during rush hour on the Northern line, having his poor tail trodden on and being shunted around by angry commuters whilst he sat loyally by his completely blind owner….who I imagine, found the announcements of which stop he was at invaluable.

Try if you like, but I absolutely defy anyone not to be moved by a dog at some point in their lives, even if it’s just that they get run into at full speed an shunted a couple of foot. I love them and I am holding out (very impatiently) for my first. In the meanwhile there’s ‘The Underdog’ on BBC2, ‘Dog Borstal’, ‘It’s me or the Dog’, ‘DoggySnaps’ and plenty more dog media to keep us sad-dog-owner-wannabes smiling.