Chinny reckon.

Last night I missed one of my favourite programmes, ‘Ten years younger’, but I understand from my friend Dan that the subject of Nicky Hambleton-Smith’s (I may have made that surname up) attentions was men. Clueless, bumbling middle aged men, one of which was still in love with a rather harsh red-head ex-girlfriend circa 1984 who had left him with the winning line: ‘You’re dumped because you are dull, fat and boring’.

Needless to say he felt a little under par in terms of self confidence and has been single ever since. The best bit about this was that somehow his fashion sense had frozen in time from the moment he became single so his wardrobe consisted of Miami Vice style patterned shirts, and suit jackets in various shades of pastille.

The other candidate was a bearded chap and judging by what Dan told me, the only thing they had to do to make his appearance acceptable and ‘of the moment’ was cut off his beard. Obviously this concerned Dan who is currently mid-way through his beard growth, entering the difficult itchy, ginger phase who wrote to me this morning, pondering whether it might be high time he got rid of said beard and go for the fresh faced look.

I’m pretty mixed about beards in general. If I’m honest, I do have fond memories of my dad’s beard in the early 80’s which, when I was being really well behaved was used to give me a ‘whisker pie’. Not a disgusting hairy puff pastry dish, but a bonding thing whereby my dad would tickle my face with his whiskery beard and send me into shrieks of laughter. In the 1990’s the beard went and what was left was a rather military looking moustache. I didn’t like it, but when it went it left my dad looking like an egg. All shiny and hairless. Of course I got used to it and the idea of him having a beard now would be quite ludicrous.

Turning my thoughts to the present day, I have to say I find long beards, and any excess facial hair for that matter- quite unacceptable. So much so that the attached blog ‘usabeard’ made me want to regurgitate my early morning Krispy Kreme doughnut. The idea of all that dirty, wiry hair, so often ginger when there are hitherto no indications of gingerness…..yuck. It reminds me of the twits. And the worst thing, this comment:

“I would love to brush this cruncher of a beard!”

Some kind of crazy beard perversion.

As a woman I’m only too aware that beard growth will become more of a pressing issue for me when I reach my 50’s and 60’s and beyond. We’ve all seen the grannies happily pottering around the shops seemingly totally unaware of the 3 foot beards they are trailing behind them. I’ll be keeping a regular check on my chin for any untoward activity.

So, in conclusion, I am all for clean shaved-ness.

For men and women, for one and all.

Friends- take your razors to your chops and rid yourself of the excess weight: be you traveller (Sam), reluctant worker (Dan), publishing hippy (Jonathan) or lazy office boy (Steve/Gavin) don your hair removal tools with pride and say YES to a smooth future.