Jenne ooooooooooooooooooooo shoes.

Sometimes in life, you get thrown a bone or two, today I got thrown a big juicy meaty one and I can’t wait to devour it.

The juicy bone in question was not of the male variety. 4 week ban on s*x don’t forget! It was much better. It was in the form of a designer sale at the Old Truman Breweries on Brick Lane, but a hop, skip and a jump away from the office.

At 12.15pm my outlook calendar helpfully pinged a reminder message in the middle of my screen. Whilst I normally ‘dismiss all’ without as much as a passing thought, this one was special.

I had a lunch date with some discount designer clothes and there was no way in this world I wasn’t making time (or money) for this.

So, clutching my google map, I wended my way through back streets of East London and eventually found my way to my sale. Signs of ‘you may have to queue to gain entrance’ and ‘no flash photography permitted inside' merely whetting my appetite I hastily paid my £2 entrance and £1 to keep your bag ‘safe’ (i.e prevent you from attempting to steal £100’s of pounds of teeny accessories) and I was off.

Like a blood hound I began my scrupulous search through the rails which were helpfully ordered by designer. Starting at BIBA, I worked my way quickly through FrostFrench, Armani, Vivienne Westwood until I came across the accessories table. Scanning over the selection my eyes settled on the most glamorous pair of gold and dark pink stilettos I have ever seen, they sparkled and glittered and said, ‘Try me on right now’ and so of course I did. Sometimes, when you put on an amazing pair of heels they transform you from humdrum existence to slim legged, glamour puss. Ok so my fat toes aren’t strictly designed for such slim shoes and my feet will never thank me for those 4 inch stilettos, but on those occasions where my night consists of ‘cab-perching on a stool somewhere sipping cocktails-cab’ with not much walking in-between, they are perfect.

A look at the price told me two things- 1) I would never be able to afford these shoes in real life and then 2) Thank god this isn’t real life, it’s heaven- £400+ reduced to only £60. Grasping the box in my sweaty hands, I took them to the dressing room to try them on with a dress. Whilst trying on the dress, I kept peeking down to check they were still there and at the same time nervously eyed up my fellow changing room inhabitants to see if any of them look like thieves. Waiting in the queue to pay I kept thinking of things which might conspire against me to prevent me from having the shoes. What if they don’t accept credit cards and by the time I get back with the cash they are gone? What if I’m dreaming and I wake up just as I’ve paid and I’m looking in my crisp, be-stickered, designer bag, what if for some reason they won’t sell me them. Yes, I’m almost delusional.

I’m pleased to say (that against all odds) I made it back to the office with my shoes. They are now sitting under my desk and to make sure they don’t go anywhere, I’m touching my leg against the bag, just in case. My shoes aren’t perfect, they have a little scratch on the back, and they’ve been worn in a catwalk show, but they are impossibly gorgeous and they make me very happy. Transforming a normal, slightly pudgy leg, into a shapely slender one, even for one hour each year is worth every penny.

Lee who? My new love is my Jenne O shoes.