Joseph- wowzers

I’m in love. Really, totally and 100% head over heels in love. And it’s not with Steve, it’s with another man. He goes by the name of Lee Mead, otherwise known as the leading man in the latest production of Joseph at the Adelphi Theatre.

Of course I realise this is unutterably pathetic, childish and ridiculous, but when he appeared behind the transparent screen in a cloud of dreamy fog my heart skipped a beat. I don’t think I was the only one either judging by the roar of the crowd when he appeared. Who says theatre can’t appeal to the masses, with lyrics like:

‘all those things you saw in your pyjamas, were a long range forecast for your farmers’

and

‘his astounding clothing took the biscuit, quite the smoothest person in the district’

It's no wonder Rice and Lloyd-Webber are now and have been for many years milking this little winner. So, it goes without saying that the show was amazing. Of course it wouldn’t be an Ali and Steve night out if something awful hadn’t happened, so don’t worry, I’m pleased to report it did.

With 15 minutes to go until curtains up I was waiting outside Oxford Circus and Steve was wending his way on the tube. The Adelphi theatre is only 2 minutes around the corner, so not to worry. We’ve got plenty of time. Except for that the Adelphi Theatre isn’t. The Palladium theatre is however, and if we were going to see ‘The Sound of Music’ we’d have been fine. So with 10 minutes til curtains up we start trying to hail a cab to take us over to the Strand. Unsurprisingly, there aren’t any. It’s rush hour. The traffic is bumper to bumper and the lights in the cabs are well and truly unlit. I start to lose my temper and say to Steve that he really ought to have checked where the theatre was, given that he’d booked the tickets and arranged the evening. He said (amidst what I felt to be a gratuitous use of the word f**k off ‘off’) that given he’d done everything else, it wouldn’t have been too much to ask for me to have checked where the theatre was. I fumed. He fumed. I told him ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t get let in now, you know theatres aren’t usually very accommodating with people coming in late and disturbing everyone.’

We arrived at 7.10pm. Got ushered to our seats at break neck speed, got tutted at by a few old biddies behind us, one of whom muttered venomously, ‘great now I can’t see a thing’- yes, because now you have a HUGE, viewing blocking 5ft 4inch fairly dinky person in your way. Someone give the poor lady a f**king refund. OR, give her a filthy, ground shuddering look to stop her in her tracks, which is what I did.

Thank goodness Lee came on stage at that precise moment to ease the tension, and in a Quentin Tarantino style loop that’s where I started. Swoon. I for one feel that if loin clothes were all the rage again women everywhere would find selecting a perfect partner a whole lot easier.