Anti climaxes....I hate em.

In life in general, I’m not very good at coping with anti-climaxes. Evening plans fall through? Bah. No-one comments on my blog posts? Grrr. Eastenders promises us all death and suffering and delivers normality? Hurrumph. Dave’s egg don’t hatch….No fair! None of these things sit comfortably with me. I think I expect certain things to happen in life, and when they don’t well….why the hell not?! My disappointment that Peter hadn’t carked it in Eastenders was palpable…I pounded the pillow for goodness sake. And the empty nest on Dave’s balcony was a harsh reminder to me of how I might feel if I am unable to conceive. Baron-ness. I know the eggs were stolen by a pigeon (possibly) but that’s what it made me think. Strange eh?

I think the key to this is if I don’t expect any ‘good’ to happen, then maybe I won’t be constantly disappointed, infact, if I just didn’t anticipate or pre-empt at all and lived in a contact state of now’ness, (much like the great Eckhart Tolle recommended) I’d have more of a sense of inner peace. Don’t get me wrong, this is by no means a new revelation for me. Infact I’m always trying to teach myself not to think too much, or worry too much, and every 6 or so months, when I have a wobble, I grab my ‘power of now’ book, embrace its contents and then promptly forget them as I’m having far too much fun thinking about the future and looking forward to it.

This morning I logged into my facebook account only to find a friendship invitation from the ex-boyfriend who not so long ago sent the inappropriate text and to whom I responded that it had been hell being with him, and how could he possibly be such an arsehole to his girlfriend. The very same. Of course, not wanting to let him into my inner sanctum I ‘rejected’ his offer on Facebook. I don’t want him looking at my happy holiday shots with my new man, it would taint them. And the very idea of him being able to leave comments on my life? No thanks. I don’t give a shit what you think and I want you out of my life forever. I really hoped that when he next logged in there would be a big banner with the words ‘REJECT’ ‘You were rejected' but unfortunately after having tried it out with a friend, we discovered you get no such notification. You just get silence, as if they never saw it. Doesn’t stop me from feeling outraged that he asked though.

Some people will never get the message. F**king loser.