Far too much fun!

I just don’t know where to start today I have soooo much information to pass on to you all. I’m practically on the edge of my seat and trying to type so fast, it keeps coming out like the policeman in ‘allo allo’.

I have had the most amazing 24hrs, starting off with a visit last night to Primark in Marble Arch. It was awesome, you have to have nerves of steel to spend more than 5 minutes in that place. Thankfully, it’s open til 9pm all weekday evenings, so I stupidly thought that it might be a little bit quieter and more manageable. Oh no! It was utterly rammed.

I walked in and felt my pupils dilate. My heart started to race. I looked from shelf to shelf, mentally ticking off what I had vs. what I needed.

There were boys in there pinned to the wall in terror, wide eyed and clammy looking.

Girls were marching around, swinging their circular bouncy shopping baskets ruthlessly with occasional side swipes at adjacent shoppers to prevent them getting hold of the last size 10. I fixed my desires on a little white shift dress with some embroidery at the top and started working my way through a 4 metre long rail of them, size 14, size 16, size 14, size 18….where’s the itty bitty sizes? All gone. And then….AH HA! I spotted one stray size 10 at the end of another aisle, misplaced, and I approach it, with stealth and speed, and reach to grab it and then some really molly, dowdy bird places her hand over mine, fixes her stern glare on me and says, “I put that there, don’t even THINK about taking it”…you’d have never believed it.

Realising that it was no more Mrs Nice Ali, I proceeded to barge, push and elbow my way to a basketful of fantastic goodies. It was the only way. I came out triumphant with a bag containing two pairs of shoes, (one ‘must have’ of the season, silver diamonte, leather backed gladiator sandals), two shift dresses, one black, one white, some new undies for weekend away in Paris (slutty, turquoise and black) a belt, a scarf, two t-shirts and lots more. And the total cost, £55. Afterwards I felt as if I was going through a terrible comedown, flat and tired and aching, but I’d had my Primark fix and that was the main thing.

My other AMAZING news is that by some weird coincidence, the ex-boyfriend who I told you about yesterday, yes the very same one who called me a f**king sp*stic, sent me a text today. And it wasn’t just any old text it was a text of pure genius which has kept me entertained the whole afternoon. I’m not going to protect him, he doesn’t deserve it. The text asked, in not a very roundabout way, whether I would like to don a very short skirt and knee hi boots (a la Stacey from ‘Enders) and meet him for ‘drinks and naughtiness’.

Proper full on belly laughter after initial horror and deep shock. Is he joking? He can’t be serious. Someone must have stolen his phone? Surely. So I do what any normal girl would do. I investigate. It turns out he’s living with his girlfriend, they are still together but they are going through a rocky patch, lots of arguing and it wasn’t too tough to discover that they haven’t apparently had any s*x now for 6 weeks, hence the text presumably.

I am so offended that he thinks that I am the kind of girl who would ever even consider going within a mile of him after the way he treated me. Add to that the fact that his poor girlfriend is no doubt enduring the kind of behaviour I suffered and rather than end it, he’s texting his ex’s in the vague hope one of them might turn out to be stupid enough to say yes. I’m so excited at the prospect of wiping the floor with him, but I need a little inspiration. My friends are saying arrange to meet him in a very expensive pre-booked hotel room and then of course don’t turn up and send a message through reception saying “enjoy your £250 wank you looser”. I’m not sure he’s worth the effort. Ah, my life is so much fun at times.

Of course I sent the text straight to Steve so he can have a damn good chuckle at my ex’s expense and I know he’ll just LOVE it. Perhaps I could write back and say, ‘oh, that’s such a shame, I’m just off to Paris for a dirty weekend with my boyfriend who actually does want to sh*g me, and I’ve brought some lovely new underwear and short skirts especially for the occasion’.

And finally…as if this posting hasn’t been action packed enough, I stumbled across the ANNUAL ALL SAINTS SAMPLE SALE…in caps as this is just so fucking exciting you won’t believe it. I’m not going to tell you where it was as I think that would make it less cool, although I will say it was in an unmarked, underground location at the Vibe Bar end of Brick Lane. Oh my god, one offs of the most beautiful things and torture as I only had 10 mins to look around when it really needed several hours if not more.

Suffice to say I picked up a one off prototype black top for £10, which no-one else will be wearing and it’s proper gorgeous.

Off to Paris tomorrow morning, out for Cocktails in a bar on Clapham Junction tonight. It’s all go go go. Love it.