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Insides feel all tight and twitchy and my hands and arms feel restless. It’s like there aren’t enough minutes in any given hour, and although there’s not an unmanageable task ahead, it feels like there is. Even making social plans is making me feel nervous, keep fit, see everyone, try and not worry about what’s happening with parents, try and focus on positive thoughts and what might be around the corner. But god only knows where I’ll be living, working or anything. It’s all so up in the air and it’s terrifying, but exciting, one day when life is settled and dull and routine I’ll look back to these times and wish that I had embraced them and not allowed them to make me jittery.
Deadened by caffeine… Directionless yet somewhat frantic. I’ve just posed in multicoloured fluorescent flares, frilled pink polyester shirt and silver platform shoes for a friend who has lots to do today. I have lots to do too but don’t relish any of it. So I will do lots, but nothing that will help me do any of the following things… get work / earn money in any other way / maintain or re-establish old friendships…
3 comments:
I CHOOSE TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS BECAUSE I`M EMBARRASSED AND I DRIED UP AFTER 1 MINUTE.
In the office a glass dividing wall between rooms one the young doing repetive tasks over and over they type and say the same things into telephone headsets over and over again the same accent asking the same question to the person on the other end of the line that is unsure if they want o be talking to this person but maybe if youre lucky you *they( can get some of benefit out of it. A little step up but only a small not a big step up like you would need to clamber into a bmw x5 THAT requires a big step up and requires you to pass through the glass dividing wall into the next room were youth and beauty become old and spread and there are few chins to be seen but they’ve made the step and theyre grumpy.
his eyes were like those other eyes they reminded me .. but it's all so useless, because i'm dead inside and will never come to life again, when will i wake up, when will i accept myself the way i am, how can i possibly stay so immature inside, an eternal teenager, always fighting with the same old problems, always the same old ghosts who come to visit, when when when, why can't i make a plan, why do i feel every morning like there is no reason to get up .. and then sometimes i remember all the
(i just couldn't resist to take part, because i liked the idea. I'm a friend of Natalia btw.)
It is just me or do all of our 'free writes' have a real 'I'm not doing what I want with my life' tone about them. Guess it's a symptom of our times?
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