Flat pack fatty
Useful source of news, the Yorkshire Post, today examined research that "Britons are starting 2007 more than 200 million pounds heavier because of festive excesses and a lack of exercise over the Christmas period".
200 million pounds? That's a big turkey. And after last night, I think I might be single handedly responsible for at least 5 million of them. Why?
Well, after a hearty meal of chilli and tacos, I made myself a cup of tea and went to sit on the bed to watch ER and 'relax' and then, distaster struck. Well, not really disaster, but moderate embarassment at the very least. The bloody bed broke, practically snapped in half, made the loudest crunching smashing noise and there I was on the floor, feeling fat and humiliated. Then Steve barged in and proceeded to call me 'flabber jabber' 'lardarse' 'fatty' 'jabba the hut' and do impressions of me larding around and breaking the bed. For my delicate female 'weight self esteem' this was not a very positive turn of events. Ah well, I had to see the funny side, which was more than Steve could do when he realised that this would mean he had to do DIY at midnight rather than going to bed! hehehe. Never fear though, the bed was mended and we spent a night lying rather gingerly and trying to move as little as possible.
The Northern Line this morning was unadulterated misery..sweaty and more angry than usual. An old Indian lady took it upon herself to singlehandedly block the entrance to the tube because she had taken umbridge to the overcrowding...fair play to her! Of course this went down like a sack of sh*t for all the commuters desperately trying to get into the city.
Right then, another day in the office. Today I have got a 4 things to look forward to, meeting Dan tonight for a drink, going to Padstow next Tues/Weds with Dave, dinner at Chez Bruce on Friday night with Steve for our anniversary and then, booking the holiday, hopefully this is happening today or tomorrow...thank GOD.
5 comments:
The one thing that can be said for old Jabba the Hutt (spelt with two t’s Ali) is that he had good taste in women. My consciousness, like that of many males of my generation is etched with the image of Princess Leia in gold and black swimwear/bondage attire straddled alongside Jabba on his holiday barge in Return of the Jedi.
Perhaps you could fill a few large green garden waste sacks with cushions, arrange them to look like a giant green slug and stick some eyes and a big tongue on the sack acting as the head. Then nip down to a girly clothes shop in London (Ali, your knowledge of these is extensive I know) find the nearest match to “that Princess Leia outfit” and also on the way back pick up a dog lead from a pet store.
Once home, get changed (maybe turn up the heating too) put the lead around your neck and position yourself lying on your side next to the home made Jabba on the bed. When Steve gets home I promise you that the sight of his girlfriend dressed as ‘bikini Leia’ will stir something that has lay dormant in him since about 1985 but that all men of our generation share. Lets just call it ‘Leia lust’.
I can assure you he won’t be teasing you about your weight again or making any Jabba the Hutt comparisons.
Is it just me, or does anyone else feel faintly queasy at the idea of Dan sitting at his keyboard tapping in the above message?
.. Well it’s not strictly work related I grant you, but just conveying perfectly normal thoughts.
Maybe just a little inappropriate…
Don't worry Dan, I've imagined you dressed as Leia in the past, and I'm not ashamed of it.
yeee gads men.
One star wars mention and you all go off on one.
I simply refuse to dress as Leia, my hair isn't long enough to wrap around my ears! Perhaps we'll try and give Laura the Leia hair at dinner.
Don't forget the wine corns!
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